Feeling Fine about Four


Most Oregonians ended 2003 with their heads down, putting one foot in front of the other. The struggling local economy sucked most people’s energy and attention, as jobs exited the state and those left behind worried and worked feverishly to keep head above water. Another reason to watch your step at year-end was the powerful ice storm that whirled through the Northwest. But the ice has melted, the economy is warming up (we hope) and it’s appropriate, if overdue, to look ahead. Here then are the:

Top Ten Reasons To Feel Fine About ’04

10) It’s an Olympic year. In 2004, the Olympics are in Athens, Greece, where the modern day games began in 1896. The Greeks have had some trouble completing the facilities, but the Games, facilities finished or not, will happen from Aug. 13-29. The Greeks may not be getting the Elgin Marbles back from the British Museum, but they are hosting the Olympic Games. In 1896, American won the gold medal count, capturing 11 to Greece’s 10—a good omen for 2004.

9) City planners will not tear down the Marquam Bridge. We love dreamers here in Oregon, so we can’t keep them from trying, but odds are it won’t be accomplished this year.

8) George Bush and John Kerry will run a fiercely contested and serious campaign for the presidency. Kerry’s candidacy will help the Democrat Party wash the stain of the Clinton Years out.

7) It’s Leap Year. The extra day will help fuel economic

growth. If it doesn’t, the federal government will put it on the charge card.

6) New York City’s dominance of Oregon media will fall below 90 percent.

5) Oregon will appear regularly in Doonesbury, but the state’s residents will begin to see it as a positive.

4) Contrary to local myth, freeway entrance signs will not read “All Non-motorized vehicles—except for Bikes–prohibited.

3) Lars’ head will not grow larger—he will not get an “International Lars” radio show to go with “Local Lars” and “National Lars” shows.

2) Rasheed Wallace will no longer live in Portland. At least by May he will no longer be a Blazer. Thank God for the NBA’s luxury tax. His departure will bring a surge in the local economy, as countless Oregonians, who have been awaiting his departure before stepping foot back in the Rose Garden, swarm into the stands and surrounding businesses.

And the Number One reason to feel fine about ’04…

1) Vera will no longer be mayor of Portland.
The Reign of Terror is Over.

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