Feeling Fine about Four
Oregonians ended 2003 with their heads down, putting one foot in front
of the other. The struggling local economy sucked most people’s
energy and attention, as jobs exited the state and those left behind worried
and worked feverishly to keep head above water. Another reason to watch
your step at year-end was the powerful ice storm that whirled through
the Northwest. But the ice has melted, the economy is warming up (we hope)
and it’s appropriate,
if overdue, to look ahead. Here then are the:
Top Ten Reasons To
Feel Fine About ’04
an Olympic year. In 2004, the Olympics are in Athens, Greece, where the
modern day games began in 1896. The Greeks have had some trouble completing
the facilities, but the Games, facilities finished or not, will happen
from Aug. 13-29. The Greeks may not be
getting the Elgin Marbles back from the British Museum, but they are hosting
the Olympic Games. In 1896, American won the gold medal count, capturing
11 to Greece’s 10—a good omen for 2004.
9) City planners
will not tear down the Marquam Bridge. We love dreamers here in Oregon,
so we can’t keep them from trying, but odds are it won’t be
accomplished this year.
8) George Bush and
John Kerry will run a fiercely contested and serious campaign for the
presidency. Kerry’s candidacy will help the Democrat Party wash
the stain of the Clinton Years out.
7) It’s Leap
Year. The extra day will help fuel economic
If it doesn’t, the federal government will put it on the charge
6) New York City’s dominance of Oregon media will
fall below 90 percent.
5) Oregon will appear regularly in Doonesbury, but the
state’s residents will begin to see it as
4) Contrary to local myth, freeway entrance signs will
not read “All Non-motorized vehicles—except for Bikes–prohibited.
3) Lars’ head will not grow larger—he will
get an “International Lars” radio show to go with “Local
Lars” and “National Lars” shows.
2) Rasheed Wallace will no longer live in Portland. At
least by May he will no
longer be a Blazer. Thank God for the NBA’s luxury tax. His departure
will bring a surge in the local economy, as countless Oregonians,
who have been awaiting his departure before stepping foot back in the
Rose Garden, swarm into the stands and surrounding businesses.
Number One reason to feel fine
1) Vera will no longer be mayor of Portland.
The Reign of Terror is Over.